Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Pain That I'm Used to

It's amazing how as a discerning music listener you start to lighten up with age regarding the number of artists worth throwing stones at, but yet step up the calibre of your criticism for those that seem to have earned it.  There is almost a redundancy in taking shots at the obvious.  I've said it before.  A lot of artists who have their place and make a certain listening demographic quite happy, and fair game I say.

I don't understand the Mylie Cyrus thing, but I'm a 38 year old married man with no kids.  It would be ultra strange if I did get it.  Young kids, in absence of cool parents who are feeding them heavy doses of Talking Heads or XTC, probably should go through their Mylie Cyrus (I refuse to spell check her name) period.  Jonas Bros, Taylor Swift, that Beaver kid with the bad hair and teeth...leave them alone.  They're not really hurting anyone.

Music is kind of like fashion.  When done best there are not rules per se, but guidelines as to age appropriateness and point of career.  The artists however, should also have to make music that coincides with their age and presumed level of maturity.  Older artists, unlike the kids I've listed above, still making crappy music should know better.  So I've devised a system by which you can match up a physical pain event that is so excruciating it numbs the negative experience you get from the crappy music to the point of giving you inner peace and a feeling of release.

So let's start with a grouping.  I'm not saying your group sucks if it starts with "3" or "Three", but the odds are not in your favour.



 




To withstand this level of musical foolishness you need to have your ass kicked by no less than three (or 3) old school Star Trek actors at once.



The rules are a little different with Nickelback.  Apparently it's a reverse play where you can actually throw rocks at them.  Doesn't seem right does it?



This James Blunt song makes me want to tie raw pork chops to my whole naked body and run with complete abandonment straight  into a pack of starving wild dogs.  Way less painful than that song.

Finally, these guys (apparently my new favourite whipping band), in addition to being perhaps the most over the top trite nonsense I've heard since The Verve Pipe, seem old enough to know better than to sing words that shouldn't be coming form guys their age, designed for girls half their age.

I get to about the 1:10 off center close-up in that video and pray something like this will make the hurt stop.